5 unexpected creativity lessons from writing my first book "The Playful Way"

Elle Woods-ing my way through

A year ago today I texted my partner with a demand: “Don’t ever let me write a book again!”

I was in the thick of editing and feeling a tornado of self doubt and creative anguish ripping through my psyche, driving me to question why I even initiated this project in the first place.

Like any big creative undertaking, writing a book is an existential adventure (whee!). It requires boatloads of vulnerability, the nerve to stare uncertainty in the face, and the honesty to smile at your work and then rip it shreds. At many points in the process, I gnashed my teeth and wished I’d never set out on the quest.

But, SPOILER! I made it through and my book The Playful Way: Creativity, Connection, and Joy Through Everyday Acts of Play, comes out in one month today (on April 7 — my birthday!)

I got it done by leaning into my own philosophy — the Playful Way — and approaching it with levity, humor, flexibility, and a spirit of exploration. Some of my biggest learnings ahead… they apply to book writing but pretty much any big undertaking as well. May they help you weather your own creative tornados!

1. Creativity is more physical than we realize

I once heard actor Riz Ahmed say that creativity is more physical than we realize, and I’ve 10000% found this to be true for me, especially through the writing process. Every time I feel stuck or stagnant, I get up from my desk and take a shake break, flailing my limbs about and dancing without judgment for a minute or two. Then, feeling silly and sweaty, I return to the task at hand.

Sometimes if things aren’t flowing on my computer, I take it physical: writing in a notebook on the floor or mapping my structure by slapping Post-It notes on a wall, this gets my body more engaged in the creative flow.

When I need a longer reset, I head out on a wonder wander, strolling while looking up, down, all around for sparks of delight, or join a dance class.

These physical interruptions reliably shake my ideas loose, reset my brain, and wake up my indwelling play spirit. When we’re working we tend to get into this blob state… trying to PUSH ideas out our brains but we forget that our bodies aren’t just transportation systems for our brains; they’re integral to how we think, feel, and create.

Getting out of my head and into my body moves my energy and ideas forward and makes the process feel a whole lot more alive.

2. Devotion over discipline

When I started writing, I researched successful writers' routines, only to find account after account of rigid 5 AM wake-ups and unwavering daily word counts. This approach works beautifully for many people, but I had to forgive myself for the fact that it just doesn't work for me. I’m a wiley creative coyote and I have always struggled with rigid discipline.

Rather than beat myself up for that, I've embraced a mantra of devotion over discipline. Devotion pictures your dreams and goals not as stern taskmasters tapping their watches impatiently, but as friends who are happy whenever you can give them attention.

If discipline says, "Write 1000 words every day between 5 AM and 7 AM, or you're not serious about your craft," devotion says, "This matters to me, and I'll show up for it—sometimes at dawn, sometimes during lunch breaks, sometimes in voice notes while I run errands."

There's punishing energy, and there's playful energy:

Punishing energy feels like:

• beating yourself up for not being a 5 AM productivity powerhouse

• comparing your messy first draft to someone else's polished masterpiece

• turning every creative session into a report card on your worth

• white-knuckling through your needs in the name of "no excuses"

Playful energy feels like:

• trying different things to see what actually works (and accepting that it keeps changing)

• celebrating any progress, in whatever form it shows up

• working with your human ups and downs instead of against them

• making "let's try it and see..." your default setting

Whenever I notice a "should" in my creative process that feels punishing, I look for a more playful, flexible way forward, that still honors my commitment to the work.

3. Creative buddies or bust

Writing can be wildly lonely. Being trapped in my own head for hours can become an absolute deathtrap of existential questions and self-doubt. So I'm eternally grateful for my writing group that formed when I was chatting with two friends at a wedding and we realized we were all working on book projects concurrently and required major moral support.

We started a WhatsApp group where we send voice notes "from the writing desk," listen to each other's challenges, give advice, and offer ra-ra cheerleading. These connections have saved my creative spirit countless times and it helped that my book buddies Liz Tran and Lydia Pang are also entrepreneurs and moms so they get the whole picture.

The myth of the solitary genius toiling away in isolation is a mess. Even people who appear to be endless wells of creative inspiration benefit from community, feedback, and knowing they’re not alone in the swirl of anxious thoughts.

Whether it’s book writing or building a business, I’ve learned that it’s creative buddies or bust.

4. Embrace your own weird creative process

I've learned that I can't always just plant myself in a chair and write. So I've given myself permission to work in many different ways, some of which might look strange to outside observers.

I write in odd places at odd times. I incentivize myself with star charts. I take long walks while pretending to talk on the phone but I’m actually talking to myself and having "conversations" where I problem-solve the work out loud. I dance with difficult sections, trying to shake up new ideas by shaking up my body. I talk through roadblocks with friends.

The writing process doesn't have to look like the romanticized image of an author at their desk, typing away in focused silence. It can be messy, mobile, and wonderfully weird. The spirit of experimentation allows me to find new ways forward far better than forcing myself to follow someone else’s well-worn script. Permission to play has been my way.

5. Yoo hoo let’s be delulu

My fatal flaw/heroic gift is that when I'm excited about a new undertaking, I rarely consider that it might be difficult. I Elle Woods my way through life with a breezy "What, like it's hard?!" I naively dive in and then inevitably discover challenges—and am completely shocked every time!

I'm not a writer by trade, but when I decided to write a book, I just thought, "This will be fun!" Turns out, creating a book is actually kind of hard... but SHHH, I'm pretending it's not.

Since the book is about being playful, maintaining this slightly wide-eyed optimism feels mission-critical. If I had thought about it too much at the beginning, I might never have started. Sometimes a little self-delusion is the best creative strategy of all.


Do you have any unexpected insights you’ve gained from your own projects? Drop a comment below to share your squiggly wisdom or let me know which if my unexpected lessons you might add to your own experimentation.

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If you're excited about The Playful Way (coming April 7), pre-order it and get access to some super special perks:

—Exclusive early access to the Powers of Play chapter of The Playful Way (discover your unique powers of play)
—8 exclusive playlists for each of the play types, curated by moi
—Access to a virtual workshop series with meeeee. Every Friday at noon ET starting April 3, come play with me for a virtual workshop, diving deeper into each of the 8 play types.

• April 3 – Mover & Shaker Virtual Dance Party

• April 10 – Joyful Jester

• April 17 – Visionary Dreamer

• April 24 – Adventurous Improviser

• May 1 – Mundane Alchemist

• May 8 – Expressive Creator

• May 15 – Wonder Wanderer

• May 22 – Curious Quester
  

Thanks for playing!!

xo P