Choosing Devotion Over Discipline

A softer, more self-compassionate way to get shit done

I have always struggled with discipline.

Though most people extol it as the ultimate virtue on the road to accomplishment, discipline has always prickled against my squiggly, creative nature and carried with it a heavy, “should” energy. It’s constantly buzzing in my ear with its message of not-enough-ness: Bzzz You should wake up earlier. Bzzz You should be more productive. Bzzz You should have more willpower. Bzzz You should… Smack!

For years, I tried to force myself into its rigid box, but try as I did (and try, I did!), I could never be the person who woke up before dawn, stuck to a military-grade routine, and merged seamlessly with a bullet journal.

I have accomplished many meaningful things that required work and perseverance (built a company over 15 years, ran a marathon, went through a fertility gauntlet to have a child, wrote a book) but punishing discipline isn’t what got me there.

Instead, I embraced the more playful notion of devotion: a spirit of love, loyalty, and enthusiasm for the work I care about.

Devotion pictures your dreams and goals, not as stern taskmasters tapping their watches impatiently, but as friends who are happy to have your attention.

Friendship is not built from rigidity and forcefulness. It's built with care, flexible consistency, with a variety of acts of love, big and small. True friends understand if you have to reschedule because you’ve got a cold, enjoy your stories of misadventure, and accept both your dashed-off texts and hours-long hangs as acts that build your bond.

Your creative work, your big goals, your dreams? They might thrive from that same friendly mix of commitment and flexibility. If discipline says, "Write 1000 words every day between 5 AM and 7 AM, or you're not serious about your craft." Devotion says, "This matters to me, and I'll show up for it – sometimes at dawn, sometimes during lunch break, sometimes in voice notes while I run errands."

Devotion might look like:

• Surrendering to not feeling well and working from the floor

• Clearing evening plans to keep going when you’re in flow

• Crushing your word count while your kids watch Saturday morning cartoons

• Seeing your shower as your think tank

• Allowing yourself rest so you can refuel

The important thing? It all counts. Every little bit. Just like there are umpteen ways to show love to a friend, there are umpteen ways to demonstrate devotion to your work. 

We don’t abandon consistency – we redefine it. Instead of consistency meaning "do the exact same thing at the exact same time every day," think of it as "maintain a loving commitment to progress, expressed in whatever way today allows."

By being curious and kind to ourselves, we can find ways to get work done without waging war with ourselves in the process. This isn't about lowering our standards – it's about raising our self compassion. 

When we stop beating ourselves up for not being "disciplined enough," we can reroute that wasted energy to make progress, flexibly and sustainably.

I love seeing how other people adopt this concept.

When I shared it in my writing group, my writing-buddy Lydia gave herself the grace to accept that she was jet lagged AF — and decided that devotion that day was writing “a cheeky little hour” in her garden wrapped in a cozy blanket, with love for the craft.

My friend Liz finds the concept helpful when she’s doing her invoices, taxes and things she hates doing. Instead of “forcing herself” she thinks of devotion — gratitude for her business, gratitude for money, and focuses on dedicating her efforts to herself.

I was DMing with Monica, a producer, writer, and mom of two working on a memoir who said that devotion over discipline was a game changer and a departure from the “no excuses” mentality she was trying to adopt. She exclaimed “devotion is discipline dressed in a cashmere loungewear set by a blue lagoon where time doesn’t exist.” and “Why not write from THERE?” (I love this visual and also EXACTLY!)

If discipline’s punishing energy says you "should" do it this one way, Devotion’s playful energy says there's a million and one ways to get the job done.

Let’s think about these two energies for a moment:

Punishing energy: Demanding & arduous

• Beating yourself up for not being a 5am productivity unicorn

• Comparing your messy first draft to someone else's polished final

• Turning every creative session into a report card on your worth

• Ignoring your needs under the guise of "no excuses"

Playful energy: Curiously & creatively engaged

• Exploring different ways of working to discover what works best for you (and recognizing that what works might constantly be in flux)

• Celebrating small progress in any form it takes

• Getting creative when plan A implodes (building a bridge to Plan B)

• Accepting and working with your human ups, downs, and evolving needs

• Making "let’s try it and see…" your favorite problem-solving phrase

Did any of those ring a bell for you? The better we get at recognizing these two types of energy and how they manifest in our lives, the more we can practice consciously shifting towards playful devotion.

To those of you who've felt the sting of shame for not being "disciplined enough" – I feel you. Maybe you've been told your whole life that your roundabout way of doing things isn't right. Maybe you've hidden your nonlinear process, thinking it makes you less worthy of success. Maybe you've tried to force yourself into someone else's productivity system, only to feel more stuck and shameful when it doesn't fit.

But what if your supposed lack of discipline isn't a character flaw to fix, but an invitation to find a better way? What if it’s an invitation to get more curious and accepting of yourself?

Our bodies aren't machines running on a constant energy supply. Our hormones ebb and flow like tides. Our creativity plays hide and seek. Our mental health varies. The world around us pushes and pulls. Why should we expect ourselves to operate with perfect consistency?

When I’m depressed, I just can’t turn it out in the same way as when I’m feeling chip chip chipper. But I have depth to offer — another of my 32 flavors (and then some) of creativity. It’s time for us to start sampling all of the flavors we have to offer.

Let’s stop shame-spiraling about our productivity and efficiency and start finding sustainable, human ways to bring our creativity into the world. Not through perfect execution of someone else's routine, but through our own messy, imperfect, persistent devotion to what matters to us.

Please, show up regularly to attend to your dreams. But let how you show up be as creative as you are. There's a million and one ways to get there – devotion wants you to find yours.

What does showing up with devotion mean to you?

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