Evading Perfectionism the Playful Way

Already "failed" in 2025? Welcome to the club!

Before I get into this week’s newsletter, I want to offer my sympathy and compassion for those impacted by the atrocious wildfires in LA. You are in my heart of hearts.

I love LA. So many people I love live in LA. I’ve always flirted with moving to LA. I am gutted seeing so much destruction.

I'm putting together creative play care packages for people and families who've lost their homes in the fires. I know art supplies and games might not be the first thing you think of in a crisis, but sometimes we need a moment of creative escape, a chance to process grief, or permission to find pockets of joy even when things are hard. If you or someone you love has been impacted and would welcome a box of playful possibilities, please reach out here.

(And play or art supply brands, if are reading this and want to help me make this more impactful and magical, slide into my DMs.)

Evading Perfection The Playful Way

On Monday I asked my daughter, Viva, what she wanted to do or learn in 2024. She pondered it for a second and then proclaimed "I want to write a book!" Before I could discuss with her how she might go about developing the plot and illustration style and working on a proposal to share with publishers, she demanded, "Get me some paper and a stapler!” She proceeded to write and illustrate a book right there on the spot. Damn! Smashing those goals, girl!

I was schooled and awed by her simple path from desire to action. Obviously, my grown-up book goals require more than markers and staples, but still I found it funny to notice how my adult brain builds SUCH elaborate mazes of preparation, planning, and prerequisites that turn "I want to…" into a PhD physics equation.

Later in the week while listening to The Happiness Lab podcast, I had a late-in-life epiphany: I realized that I'm a perfectionist. This was both startling and clarifying to realize at age 44.

How did I miss this probably obvious fact? Well, I always thought “perfectionist” described people who were buttoned up, Type A, spreadsheet-loving, rule following folks with their hair in sleek buns. I didn’t think this categorization applied to me because I’m a squiggly brained, cuckoo banana with perpetual bedhead who’s cool with being vulnerable, has a rebellious streak, and frequently takes risks.

But on the podcast with psychologist Dr Ellen Hendriksen, I heard myself described to a tee: harsh inner critic, check! All-or-nothing thinking, check! Over-identifying with my output and feeling like a worthless blob when my work is not to my standards, check!

Turns out perfectionism isn't just hiding in color-coded planners - it's been camping out in my creative chaos all along. It's there in the way I turn every simple project into an epic hero's journey ("write a newsletter" somehow becomes "say everything you’ve learned about creativity in 1,000 words or less"), in my talent for turning "good enough" into "but what if I added a custom theme song?", and in my peculiar ability to find the one wobbly pixel in a sea of successes. What I thought of as creative exploration was often me chasing an impossible ideal.

This realization felt unsettling. I can’t be a perfectionist! I am a Play Person who teaches workshops on moving past perfectionism through play, letting loose, and embracing mistakes. I recently finished the first draft of a book on the topic, for crying out loud!

Well, we often teach what we most need to learn, right? All this playing (and preaching and teaching about play) have been my way of reminding myself, again and again, of the medicine I need most. Play has been so crucial in my life BECAUSE it’s been my creative workaround for shhhhing my inner critic, daring to suck at new things, and recovering from failure.

Play is my invisibility cloak that’s allowed me to stealthily move past the guards of perfectionism and into the castle of creative expression, meaningful connection, and a life of flow and freedom.

So in that spirit, I wanted to offer up some Play Moves for Perfectionist Moments - stealth tactics I've learned for sneaking past my own perfectionist guards:

5 Play Moves for Perfectionist Moments

1. The Sneaky Start
When your perfectionist brain starts building elaborate plans and prerequisites, channel your inner six-year-old: grab the metaphorical stapler and just start. Begin before your perfectionist brain notices what you're up to. Don't create a strategy deck, definitely don’t announce "I'M STARTING A BIG PROJECT!" Just play around with the smallest version of what you want to do. The wonky, wonderful, first-draft thing. This isn't about lowering your standards- it's about loosening perfectionism's death grip on your creative spirit’s ability to jump start.

2. The Joy Jailbreak
Give yourself permission to chase what feels fun rather than what feels important. Sometimes the best way past perfectionism is to temporarily abandon all your Serious Important Goals and just do something ridiculously delightful. But BEWARE of trying to pick the *just right* outfit for your rollerskating outing or trying to turn game night into viral content: we wouldn’t want to let perfectionism crash the party and ruin our spontaneous, purposeless fun.

For joy jailbreak ideas, finish this sentence “It would be fun to…” or “I’d love to try…” (and share ideas in the comments for collective joy)

3. The Try It And See
Instead of trying to get it right, get curious about what might happen. Replace "I have to" or “I should” with "What if I...?" Frame everything as an experiment: your newsletter is a laboratory, your creative projects are field research, your failures are fascinating data points. When someone asks how something will turn out, practice saying "I don't know yet - let's find out!" When your brain starts making a 5-year-plan for your latest project tell it to ease up with: “I’m just going to try it and see.”

4. The ‘Yes And’ Life
When dealing with mistakes and mess ups, take a cue from improv comedy’s famous ‘Yes And.’ Accept what is AND add something. Choose your flavor - go constructive ("YES, this draft is messy AND messy drafts become polished work") or comedic ("YES, I showed up with my shirt inside out AND I'm calling it a bold fashion choice"). When perfectionism tries to write the whole story, you get to add your own twist (and when those twists are hilarious you get bonus points because nothing defangs perfectionism quite like humor.)

5. The Self-Compassion Sneak
When you catch yourself in perfectionist self-attack mode, imagine what you'd say to a friend in the same situation. Then try saying it to yourself (yes, this feels weird at first). Too hard to form full sentences? Create a code word or phrase you repeat like “simmer down, spicy brain!” to remind yourself to ease up. And if words fail you entirely, take a 3-minute play break: doodle something silly, dance weirdly to one song, or pet a nearby animal. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is stop taking ourselves so seriously. Slow your roll, perfection patrol!

Remember: these moves aren't about achieving perfection at beating perfectionism (oh, the absurdity!). They're about building a playful toolkit for those moments when perfectionism has you in its jaws.

Think of them as permission slips signed by your friendly neighborhood play enthusiast.

And if you're reading this thinking "but I've already messed up my 2025 plans" - welcome to the club! We meet on Tuesdays, bring snacks, and have a strict "no perfect people allowed" policy.

In fact, I'll go first: I started 2025 with a goal to send this newsletter for 52 consecutive weeks. Week one? Missed it! FAILED! But instead of letting my perfectionist brain spiral, I chose devotion over discipline - showing up with flexible commitment rather than rigid rules. Week two, I’m back at it.

So, here's to a year of perfectly imperfect attempts, unexpected joys, and playing our way through whatever comes next. May your inner critic develop a mysterious case of laryngitis, and may your playful spirit forever prevail.

Wishing you a playful year.

Piera

What’s your sneaky strategy for evading perfectionism?

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